we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
