Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
