How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
