I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
