I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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