she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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