im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize