If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
