Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
