Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
