Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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