you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
