I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
