Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
