You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
