She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize