White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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