Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
