so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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