how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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