do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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