My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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