This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
