I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
