if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize