It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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