Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
