he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
