Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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