Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
