We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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