I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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