i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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