i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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