I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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