She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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