But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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