u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
