so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
