you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
