Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
