Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
