sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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