also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize