You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
