Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
