Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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