Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
