bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
