Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
