i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
