If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
