you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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