I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
