I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
