you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
