Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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