I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
