Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
