you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
