Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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