genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
