There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
